Today started the beginning of my ninth term at Kaplan University. I’m more determined than ever to see it through. I’ve completed over half my Bachelors degree, further than I’ve ever gone before with a 3.7 GPA. And I must say its hard work well worth every minute of it.
Though at times I have complained some, stressing over mid-term exams, final exams, essays, project and papers due, I push hard and forward, each step taking me closer to success. Something that I had only ever dreamed of in the past and now regret for putting it off for so long.
Last term was awesome. I enjoyed every class and the instructors were outstanding. Well two of them were, one seemed to only care that he was putting in his time and didn’t add much to our learning experience. I still worked hard at it, and feel I did give it my best. But I wish it were more challenging as the other two classes were. I hate feeling like I’ve walked away from something that I feel could have pushed me to my limits… like running a race… if you are the only one in the race there what competition is there? Or success?
Anyway, I got a 4.0 for last term and I’m excited about that. I haven’t done that since the beginning though my grades were mostly A’s, there were minuses in there here and there and some B’ pluses. Still only have one C on the grade books so I am doing a hell of a lot better than when I was in traditional school.
One year left here, and onto the next step of my life… going for my masters… and undecided as to what it will be… psychology or law… *sigh*… I guess I’ll wait to see how I do in these psychology classes for this program go before I decide for sure. Although, eventually it will be both…
One thing I’ve been feeling good about today… though I love my mom very much and I hate to sound like I’m bragging or such… but today I sit here feeling proud at how far I have gone and not given up no matter how sick I got or the stress that builds into panic attacks… I am going to make it… she can’t rag on me anymore about being a failure.
My hard work in school, my hard work in writing poetry and short stories... though never published, show I am somebody. I am me, what I have made myself to be and not what anyone else designs for my life… I am me… and that’s all I’ve ever wanted…
Thanks mostly to you Dan, for showing me I can do it and letting me be me (though it was him who I did most of my complaining to... thanks you for listening and kicking my butt to keep going and thank you for being so patient with me studying and all the other stuff going on that keeps me from you at the moment *sniff*) and other friends who didn't give up on me... I am forever in their debt.
Well I managed to muck up again messing around with settings and moving some posts to another blog. I lost several posts I had up I thought I had backed up but didn’t. So I have to try and do them again from memory, those I can remember that I did *sigh*
Someday I will learn to leave things alone…
Well I do have the other blog up and running. Its more of a news article section as opposed to a diary that others can comment on. Its called the Spotlight.
I have a few more days off from school to try and learn CSS so I can make my own blog and news sections as well as add my business section of things I’m starting to sell.
However school will always be priority for now so I can get out from being dependent of others to “support” me. I can’t complain, its been very helpful and I need it but I don’t want to be a thorn in someone’s side forever. And I need my complete independence. Plus it feels good… success I mean.
I love learning and held myself back for far too long believing that it wouldn’t be “necessary” in the future I was taught about. But now I realize that not learning as much as one should or could is a sin in itself and to not use what God has given us the ability to do is even a greater sin.
Well, off my soapbox for now…
Happy reading and post your thoughts….
As we near the end of week four, we start to crash study for our mid term essays and exams. So much energy put into each question, a sigh of relief pushes out of our bodies as we think, only ninety-nine more to go… It seems like an eternity, as our brains struggle to find the answer hidden somewhere locked in our memory banks.
I keep tapping my head as if hitting numbers on a number pad at the bank ATM trying to access my account; sometimes I have enough credit left to meet my demands…
Some questions seem so confusing and blistering hard we feel like we are sitting under a hot lamp focused on our face with the Gestapo standing over us ready to pop us in the back of the head. Well maybe not that bad… will someone get this guy out of here?
The worse part of Mid-terms is starting the projects we have to write. We know what we need to write about, we know what it must consist of as far as how long, blah blah blah… but what gets me is how to start it.
Sometimes I sit for hours just looking at the screen as if I have been hypnotized by some object bouncing around telling me to sleeeep… sleeeep… sleeeep… my brain so completely numb that I feel like I am “lost in space”. Feels like you’re floating on nitrous oxide and Novocain.
Cup after cup of coffee and tea and a few doses of chocolate to get me hyped up… my brain snaps… Its like … duh female... its right there in front of you… then by some miracle my fingers start flying and my brain begins to manifest itself into some kind of thinking wonder that I have one thought after the next that actually make sense!
Whoa where did that come from… ok ok must have been the last donut I stuff into my face causing a sugar rush that sparked some energy in me… or was it the foot up the arse where someone kicked me into action :)
I just found out tonight that my instructor in World Conflict has written a book on the similarities between America and the Roman Empire. I can remember how many times I would listen in awe to Dan talking about the very same thing, and how much I would try to encourage him to write a book on it!
I am so excited, because with all that I have learned from Dan and now my instructor also writing a book on it. I always wanted to write an article on it myself. I find it so fascinating how much history continues to repeat itself.
People change, the area and time changes, the types of conflicts and cultures change but we all still continue in an endless cycle of life and death that repeats its course over and over again.
They say we should look to the past to learn about our history so we don’t make the same mistakes or to improve our existence.
But no matter what, we cycle through life such as generations before us have, with each cycle eventually leading to the end of our existence. Are we as the ancients believed, continuing through life with an irrefutable destiny that cannot be stopped even though we revolutionized it here and there?
Mid terms are just next week as we enter the halfway mark in school. I wish it wasn’t going to fast, I love these classes and instructors.
This week I was a bit off mark at the beginning. Over doing it with needing to get things done around the house, the sudden death of my nephew and horrendous headaches by Friday slowed me down to a snails pace.
I got a note from my World Conflict instructor “hinting” to debate more. I explained what was going on and he was very supportive.
One reply to a question in his class I was very quick answered and very lazy. To which he said something in a joking way. But it kicked my butt in a sense and I came back flying in with both guns blazing. I’m glad he did it, I needed it.
It got me motivated to the point that I even came back to full form and got a 98 on my project of another class with help from my darlin to expand a bit on my idea. I have decided to expand more on it and hopefully get a book out of it. *shrugs* who knows? (The article will be available to read under the spotlight from the main page of “ball of confusion” soon)
I got another 90 on Quiz three in World Conflict… just waiting on my quiz grade in Investigating Terrorism… I did however get my first two grades; they were a 96 on the first one and 95 on the second one.
There was a bit of panic a week ago, but I think it was other things batting my brain at the time. I believe the death of my nephew, monthly female obligations (grrrrrrrrr) and a bit of a problem with my mouth running too much that nearly cost me one of the most important people in my life, caught up with me and caused a panic attack which exhausted me physically and emotionally, causing a severe headache by the end of the week.
I’m happy to say its better now, and I made it though. I’m feeling great, going back to school and the support I get from my family and friends has me on a high that I pray I never come down from.
Some will say, but you did it on your own, to which I reply, yes I did it on my own, but it was them who encouraged and supported me that gave me strength to do it, and gave me a nudge and kick sometimes to keep it going.
Just when you think you have met the most rudest, obnoxious person in the world, another one pops up out of nowhere and makes the former one look like Mr Rogers. I think this new person is Idi Amine’s clone!
Tonight in our World Conflict class, a new student I believe, either that or he/she hasn’t attended the first two weeks of class.
At any rate, this person, (I say person because I don’t know whether it is a female or not) right off the back started being a bitch… to everyone... including Eric, the prime prick of the class. This one has to be female because it is definitely a cunt!
Now I don’t usually like to use that word and will normally just say “the ‘c’ word” when referring to it. However, this person was so nasty tonight it deserved being called one outright.
I have really been doing good keeping my patience at a good medium (most of the time). Not letting anyone get to me and being “adult” in the class so as to not stir the water. But whoa it’s going to be tough the remainder of this term to keep my fingers from flying off the keyboard.
However, I have devised a plan… I am not going to respond in haste, no matter how much I want to rip someone’s head off... I will chew lots of gum (since I don’t smoke it seems like a good choice)... and count to 10 about a million times before I do reply… maybe beat up a pillow or two… Hey... where's my ex when I need him *smiles*LOL when our instructor said this class can really cause great divisions and people end up hating each other... he wasn’t kidding!!
Ok I’m calm… I really am!... Boy this is going to be fun *EG*
Well, we are already heading into week three. I can’t believe how fast these classes seem to be going. They are very interesting, challenging and fun! This week in my first class we (team Alpha) had to debate for “religious terrorism”, team Bravo had to debate for “Secular terrorism”. Its interesting how even in these discussions you can get so caught up in the moment. I got a 95 on this week’s application project on the IRA... And a 97 on last weeks doing a seminar speech on terrorism…. whooo hoooo My Investigating terrorism class was a bit boring. Not real bad but no real discussion. Everyone answered the questions but never led into any other discussion. One female though did try to start a bitch fight with me, though its not technically allowed in the “school” setting, I answered back very reasonably which I never got a reply. Don’t know if I got anywhere with it or she got completely whipped she couldn’t reply. Hmmm. Still have not gotten any grades back on my quizzes for this class. We have been having some technical problems with this class and some things are posting and others not... so in time I guess. And in my favorite of these classes, World Conflict, its like there isn’t enough time for it. I want to spend more time in discussions/debate in there. I can’t believe there are so many closed minded people out there that no matter how much you show them fact after fact they still can’t see it. One female in there is so thick that I felt like I maybe if I spell it out like... T H E R E _ W E R E _ N O _ W M D ‘S _ F O U N D _ I N _ I R A Q…
But i didn't, however I tried to explain it, using the simplest language I could, she then said "well then what are all those people blowing other people up with" *Throws hands in the air* hehehe… Ok Blondie wake up… get the fluff out of your head… let me get out the felt board … *sigh* And you know what… what concerns me is, she’s a prison guard... *worried look*Got an 80 on my first quiz and a 90 on my second quiz… so you know I’m grinning *cheesy grin*… *does the butt shuffle dance* Anyway, its fun and I love these classes, I love the teachers! Finally instructors who aren’t stuck in the seventies anti-conservative tree hugging liberals… I am thinking again of changing my mind on what I will go into after I finish at this school. I may go into criminalistics or investigating terrorist crime scene. Still forensic psychology sounds good as it covers both pretty well. Well until next time….
